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4. |
Taking A "Silly" Picture
13:44
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7. |
Wine Tours
08:31
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"Dad, How do people make babies?
Most people just go to sears, buy the kit, and follow the assembly instructions
I came from Sears?!?
No, you were a blue light special at K Mart, almost as good, and a lot cheaper
AAAAAAAAA
Dear, what are you telling Calvin now?"
-Bill Watterson, author of Calvin & Hobbes
"My great-grandfather had to leave italy in the 20's because he hit a fascist with a tuba, so if you think I am going to take this sitting down you are going to have to catch these hands and also this tuba"
-birdrhetorics via Tumblr
"Fun story, my Great Great Grandma left Germany in the 1920s because she had family in the US and could get citizenship pretty easily and once she was over in the US she then smuggled over 15 jewish families out by forging family documents so now my aunts are currently in the process of trying to tell the real ones from the fake ones because my great gran just died and there are legally over 100 surviving descendants but we know that math is a little screwy"
-pridevspigeon via Tumblr
"Sometimes a family is you, your kids, your grandkids, your great grandkids, and the 15 Jewish families you helped smuggle out of Nazi Germany."
-jedda-martele via Tumblr
(undistinguishable)
One of these days, we gotta abolish ICE
There's too many children locked up in cages
Too many families locked up in cages
(undistinguishable)
I don't care what your stance is on gay rights
Because right now, it is illegal to be gay in 70 countries,
And you could be killed in 10 of those countries just for being gay
So I bid you to shut your mouth
(undistinguishable)
You can thank a gay, atheist scientist for creating the computer and for helping us out in World War 2.
Praise be to Alan Turing, may you live on in our thoughts.
Let us not forget on this Independence Day, 23 years ago, that Bob Ross passed away
(undistinguishable)
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(Excerpt from "The Infernal Diatribe" in _The Satanic Bible_ by Anton LaVey)
"The first book of the Satanic Bible is not an attempt to blaspheme as much as it is a statement of what might be termed "diabolical indignation". The Devil has been attacked by the men of God relentlessly and without reservation. Never has there been an opportunity, short of fiction, for the Dark Prince to speak out in the same manner as the spokesmen of the Lord of the Righteous. The pulpit-pounders of the past have been free to define "good" and "evil" as they see fit, and have gladly smashed into oblivion any who disagree with their lies - both verbally and, at times, physically. Their talk of "charity", when applied to His Infernal Majesty, becomes an empty sham - and most unfairly, too, considering the obvious fact that without their Satanic foe their very religions would collapse. How sad, that the allegorical personage most responsible for the success of spiritual religions is shown the least amount of charity and the most consistent abuse - and by those who most unctuously preach the rules of fair play!"
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19. |
30 Day Challenges
10:30
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21. |
Socks And Sandals
26:27
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26. |
Ready To Hit The Road?
08:12
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32. |
Finger Guns
31:19
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My leg
My leg
My leg is dead
My leg is dead
My leg is dead
Ah
My leg is numb
It is dull
void
empty
null
Just like my soul
Just like my soul
I can't feel anything
It feels like death
Just like the void
I can't feel anything
I've been sitting cris-cross
For the last fifteen minutes
Now I can't feel anything
My TV feels like leg static
My static feels like leg TV
(undistinguishable)
My leg feels like TV static
Right now
Like death
The void
Emptiness
My soul
Why does god always do this to us?
Is it because he don't like us?
Does he not like us?
(undistinguishable)
(something about how god preferred the monkey and calls us a happy little mistake, I mean accident)
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36. |
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37. |
Crocs
19:25
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40. |
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Outro starts at: 16:40
Lyrics start at: 22:37
God I just hate it when people are applauding a plane landing
And stop complaining about your Dr. Pepper being too spicy
Why are you putting your dogs in strollers and kids on leashes?
But go right on ahead, take a "silly" picture
Enjoy your frozen yogurt and your missionary intercourse
I guess you're gonna be checking in on Facebook to a Vegan Sunday Brunch
Then after that, you're gonna go on some Wine Tours
Oh, looky there, you gotta redo your high fives because the first one wasn't good enough.
And why must you have Gluten Free Everything?
Why must you curse after a good yawn? Like, we get it, you had a good yawn. You didn't have to explain it to everybody with such an expletive.
Do you really need that large skinny soy mocha latte and your uggs with your white iPhones?
And why are you going all out for July 4th, yet calling flamboyant rainbow gays an eyesore? Look at yourself!
And by all means, go ahead with your cultural appropriation, y'know, over your cultural appreciation.
And I swear, some of you be romanticizing mental illnesses for attention.
I bet you're unironically using "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" as an adjective.
And since when was NASCAR a sport?
And how are you getting away with just about everything while people of color go to jail for holding a boomerang shaped like a gun?
And what's with these 30 day challenges and using the elp- the Yelp App as a threat?
And I understand wearing sandals, but do you have to wear socks with them too?
Do you seriously have to lock your car doors as soon as you see a person of color walking down the street minding their business?
But by all means. correct me on your percentage of White European heritage, y'know while not recognizing non-white heritage percentages. Like, I get it, you're like 50% English, 49% Irish, and then like less than 1% African. I get it. But some of these people are like 5% Chinese, uh, 17% uh Tambienese or whatever, y'know, they got like all these different like origin countries and everything and you're just like "Oh it's not white, I don't care", "Oh, how dare you offend me? I'm actually 59% Irish, thank you", like, who cares?
And of course, y'all would be the only people to get free food for complaining to corporate about a slight inconvenience
Yet you don't know anything about common spices
And what do you mean by "Am I ready to hit the road"?
And what's with vegetables and dental hygiene products for Halloween? What happened to candy? Like, I get it, candy is not healthy, and vegetables and dental hygiene, y'know, that is healthy, I understand that, but it's Halloween.
And why are you dressing dogs up like people? They're dogs, okay, no one cares.
And again, back to the Halloween thing, what's with the raisins? Why are you giving out raisins for Halloween? Or raisin cookies
And this whole thing about "Don't wear white after labor day"? What's up with that?
And finger guns?
And of course, let's not forget, that famous quote, "I'm not racist, I have a black friend", like, what is that supposed to mean?
See ya later, alligator!
After a while, crocodile!
I swear, that's like the whitest thing you could come up with...
Or, is two guys whipping into a fist bump in slow motion?
And crocs? Why crocs? Why do you wear crocs?
And to all of you that wear polo shirts and khaki shorts paying $20 a gram, you're getting ripped off my dudes.
And "Bowl haircut, with blonde highlights and sunglasses", yeah, you're... sigh, you're wrong. Okay? You're wrong. Just, you're wrong. Stop trying to ask for the manager.
And to the people that love to high-five other pedestrians as you're crossing the street, please, there's some of us that are just waiting to, like, y'know, get back to where we're supposed to be. Y'know, you're just holding up the line, y'know, you're wasting the green light, just go! Stop trying to meet and greet everybody.
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Dr. Failure Murfreesboro, Tennessee
I make Noise, or play the guitar terribly, take your pick. I'm 23.
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